i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
