apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My pussy is not your playground.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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