Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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