Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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