if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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