All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
