i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
