college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
