dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
