she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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