Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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