the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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