New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
