Im at strip club and am horny
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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