Me. At least after what I've been through.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
