i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
