he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
