Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
