He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
