You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
