One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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