the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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