All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
