What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
