i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
