Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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