Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
