I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
