It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
