I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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