she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Come share oat with me in your robe
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
