gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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