I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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