I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
