in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
