They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
