??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
