That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
