just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
