His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm jealous of your bromance
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize