6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
