girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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