Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
