So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
