I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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