just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
