Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
