OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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