You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
