I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
