what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
