Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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