We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
