Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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