This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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