Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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