I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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