Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
