If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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