He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
