I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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