Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize