if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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