There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My ass is underappreciated
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
