If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
